Wednesday, February 18, 2009

so uh. not too much going on. chris and i are doing some covers at the music cafe pretty soon. we practiced Hero of War this morning and it's coming together quite nicely. One day I'll rule the world.

Friday, February 6, 2009

with love.

I have a new plan. I just finished reading "Girl, Interrupted," which, I've learned, is a true story, an autobiography...and for the record, the movie is good, but not comparable to the book. The movie is for entertainment purposes. It makes a point about mental health, but the book, on the other hand, makes a point about how people that are regarded as mentally ill are often just different. If that's not what Susan Kaysen was going for, oh's what I got out of it.
Something that the main character experienced in several instances was being discouraged from becoming a writer. She didn't want to go to college or have a boring job. She wanted to do what made her happy, and because of this, she was told that she was crazy. In my opinion, anyone that doesn't pursue happiness is insane. I guess in that sense, I've been a lunatic for the past 16 years.
I've spent so much time trying to fit in with someone else's idea of happiness. I've been this way since I can remember. I've been singing since I was four. I may not have taken it seriously at all back then, but I knew that I was good at it, I knew I loved to do it. I've always wanted to be a "singer." Now that I'm older, the term "singer" makes me think of popstars that I admired when I was younger. "Musician" doesn't even fit it. I believe the appropriate term is "artist," but probably not by most people's definitions. I've always liked drawing. I've always thought I was decent at it. I know people are better at it than me, but I don't really mind. It's always been a personal thing for me. I draw for my own sanity. I've never thought practice was neccessary in order to do something that's so personal and rudimentary. Then there's writing. I love writing. Maybe because I know that I'm good at it. I rarely enjoy writing assignments in class. The only exceptions are writing about things that interest me. I taught myself to read when I was younger. Around 3 or 4. I don't know exactly what
age I was, and honestly I don't care. All that matters is that it
opened me up to learning about anything that I want to know, and presented to me the option of ignoring things that I feel are useless. All this goes back to school. I've never done well in school. I've been told my whole life, "You're so intelligent, you could do so well if only you cared about your schoolwork." And I guess they're all right. I like to think that I'm an intelligent person. I'm creative. I'm talented. I'm ambitious and driven. but one thing I'm not is simple. I've been told by people that think they've got my archetype all figured out: I'm the intelligent but ignorant type, I think I'm a rebel, I think I'm too good to follow the rules, I think I can get by without doing any work. Well, really, they're only a little bit right in this assumption. I am intelligent. I'm NOT lazy. I'm not ignorant...I'm fully aware that I could be setting myself up for failure. I don't think I'm a rebel, I'm just optimistic and maybe a bit too aware of my own strengths. And true, I rarely do work in school, but honestly, I don't feel that I have to. Anything that I like doing, I'm good at...and anything that I'm good at can't be improved through a school system that simply takes any small sign of individuality and shatters it by constantly telling students that they're not good enough unless they fit someone else's idea of success.
Well I'm very sorry, but I'm not your cute little archetype. I've got my own agenda, though until I'm legal, I can't pursue much of anything, so I guess I'll just have to keep the authority figures happy for the time being. Regardless, I will pursue my idea of happiness. I wasn't put here to go along with everyone else's ideas, I was put here to question them, and to anyone that doubts me, you don't fucking scare me, and I really do feel sorry for you. You'll never know what it's like to be passionate about something. You'll never understand what it's like to love something so deeply that your only aspiration is to become it. I am fucking good enough, and I am too good for your rules.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

it's been brought to my attention that a certain someone has written the most fucked up hypocritical rant in history about a very good friend of mine. watch closely as i point out the fallacy in it, one part at a time.

My reputation's mostly been ruined by ex-girlfriends and judgemental assholes that have nothing better to do than gossip about people they barely know.

for the record, i've really never heard her gossip about anyone. i don't even think i've heard her say a negative thing about someone unless she was agreeing with something -I- said. and as for your reputation? there's no one to blame but yourself. maybe try taking responsibility for your actions once in a while instead of blaming "ex-girlfriends" who all just HAPPEN to have exactly the same opinion of you. what a strange, strange coincidence.

I'm referring to someone in particular, and if I talk to you a lot, you may know who I mean. If it's you and you've realized it, I fucking hate you, you disgusting vain pig. I hope you die from malnutrition from your fucking vegetarian bullshit and cannibals eat the meat off your carcass.

ooh. anti-vegetarian insults. classy, and always original. ;]

You're a self-centered bitch who just gossips about other people because you've got no real friends to actually talk to.

Actually, she does have friends. I happen to be one of them. & as for "self-centered"? not even a phrase you should ever use in the same sentence when mentioning her, especially if you're someone who openly accepts that they're conceited themself.

You run around backstabbing people left and right, and you've honestly got to go, because you've befriended one of my closest friends and I know you'll just backstab her too eventually.

you're really one to talk about backstabbing. remind me, who was it that i foolishly trusted with a few of my personal thoughts, just to have them turn around literally the next day and tell everyone they talked to? and for the record, i'm not one of your closest friends. i don't even know where you got THAT idea. you seem to have this impression that i trust you at all. well just to clear things up: you doing me a favor doesn't even slightly restore my trust in you, and neither does making a weak attempt at hurting someone that i care about. you're trash, as far as i'm concerned. don't even fucking try to say i'm your friend.

You bitch about your life, how it's so horrible, when your parents make great money. You cry about getting fucking 89%'s on tests.

First of all, you know fucking nothing about her life. most obvious giveaway: "parents" should not be plural. try getting to know someone before you make insensitive judgements about them.

You blog about how much drama you have with guys when I'm certain there isn't a guy in the world that would even give you a second glance.

all i can refute this with is that she is gorgeous in both her appearance and her personality. she probably doesn't even realize it herself, but she happens to get a LOT of attention from the opposite gender...unlike someone that i know.

You change your haircolor every god damn month, and it just gets uglier every time.

haha. once again with the lame superficial insults. you obviously put a lot of work into this one! ;D

You always manage to be there when I hang with my friends, and someday, I'll rip you out in front of everyone, and it'll be the greatest moment of my life up to that point. You are the one person I can say I really truly hate, and even knowing that you're still alive and breathing disgusts me. Go fuck yourself, since no guy will ever fuck you.

hahaha how did you come up with the phrase "rip you out"? just reading this, i'm imagining your pathetic little WoW playing ass still daydreaming about the moment you "ripped her out" in your mom's basement in 20 years. also, "no guy will ever fuck" her? i'm not about to state the obvious argument here...instead, i'd just like to point out how fucking shallow this statement is. you value people not based on real factors, but rather, on how many people they've fucked.

I just realized the hair color thing might've given it away. Oh well, I don't think I'd give a damn if she read it, since she wouldn't actually do anything. I probably understated how much I hate her though. Bleh. I am raging horribly right now. But at least I finally got that out of my system.

oh yeah. you really don't care about whether or not she reads this. that's why you said this to me shortly after she did.
BrandonSkanks: what do you do when you write a blog saying how much you hate someone, forget to make it invisible
BrandonSkanks: and they read it?

oh, and just an extra little note, if i hear that you've been talking about someone i care about, i will not hesitate to bring your social life as you know it to a screeching halt (but really, that's not saying a lot). just so you know, NO ONE REALLY EVEN FUCKING LIKES YOU. the only reason anyone tolerates you is because we've all accepted that you won't fucking go away!